Through the portal

By Trevor Ammundsen.

Kiwis – Doomed to do the Hard Yards

I read some disturbing news in the Sydney Morning Herald the other day (Yes, I know, Australian so how true can it be) which was quite sobering. This news was a warning that the continents of the Earth are going to crash together and form one super continent; but don’t panic and start holding on to your favourite Corgi or Pony ornaments just yet, this won’t happen for another 250 million years, so we have got time to prepare.

What was particularly disturbing about this is that we are to be left out again. Right now, we reside on a lonely collection of isles miles away from the rest of the world, but you would think that if the continents were to merge again then we would be part of that, but no. Even our continental best mate, Australia, will let us down; taking off to join the rest of the continents and leaving us to make our own way in this new world. The map accompanying this article shows what I mean, New Zealand is in the red square and the rest of the world is in that massive land mass.

This land mass is predicted to be very hot, average temperature of 40 degrees or so maybe too hot for mammals. Humans will survive of course because we have already invented air conditioning, and I am sure that mining will have resurfaced (excuse the pun) so people could reside in cooler areas beneath the Earth’s surface. The problem for the population residing on the super continent will be food.

That is where New Zealand comes in, and probably why we will be left behind. We will remain an island surrounded by cooling seas enjoying a lovely temperate climate and of course we will be needed to be the World’s farm. By clearing the land of useless pine trees and utilising 250 years of food production research we will work away feeding the masses in their continental hot spots. We will be farming the seas using our immense experience in an ever-growing Pacific Ocean. With a general lack of competition, we will of course charge top dollar and every one of us will be immensely wealthy. Only problem will be getting our goods to market using the Bicycle Bridge between us and the Super Continent which is all the Green Government will authorise.

Of course, to benefit from this inevitability we will need to prepare ourselves. Fortunately, we have time, but we do need to work away at expanding our food production. An obvious move is to get rid of pointless Pine Forests and replace these with food production. Other pointless projects should be stopped, such as wind farms whose strange ambience disturbs the cattle. These could be replaced by lakes, generating electricity, and providing a farming habitat for fish. The natural gas industry needs to be brought back online, as does coal mining as we will need energy independence. And of course, as we have no lithium reserves in New Zealand the World really needs us to keep our oil industry going. Some will start to wail about these moves accentuating global warming but quite frankly having to spread on a bit of suntan lotion is a small price to pay if the result is wealth for us all as we feed the world.